Pining

I can't say I am looking forward to returning to the classroom (see entry below).

The thing is that I live very much where I am at the moment. If I'm at school and teaching, I can't picture myself doing anything else or giving it up. If I'm at home - even if I've been at school that day - I don't want to ever go back to work. This is especially true over the summers or long breaks. I feel a little guilty, but the fact is that I really don't miss my students. I miss them when I see them (f that makes sense) and I really do like them for the most part, but they're just not a part of my world when I'm at home.

It's kind of hard to get me to change gears once I'm working on something or in a certain mental space. For instance, I have trouble stopping my work and going home while I still have stuff to do at school. Once I get home, however, it's really hard to motivate myself to do my school work there because I've changed gears. I procrastinate because I'm just not in that mental space. When I'm taking a class at the university, I love it and the learning, but when I'm not, I can not imagine how I'll fit it in my schedule and whether it's really worth all that time and money.

It's always hard for me to change jobs because I can't ever picture myself doing something else, but once I do change I usually love it and think back on why it took me so long to change. So having an intern has been great and I don't want her to leave because I've really liked being able to do some other stuff for the school. But, alas, that's what time does to all of us. I'll probably love being back in the classroom. Even if I don't there are only about 5 weeks of school left.

The only thing I can honestly say I miss regularly or can picture returning to is Oxford. I miss the place, the pace, having time to write, feeling inspired, and, most of all, our dear friends. I can't watch the West Wing without thinking of Rich, or hear about the Olympics (or 100 other things) without thinking of PJ, or go to church without missing Simon. It's just one of those rare instances where I don't live in the now. But while I'm going through my busy days I rarely have time for that kind of introspection. So the days pass.

I can hardly wait for Andrew to get back to his graduate studies. Wherever they may be.

Congratulations to PJ for getting to Morocco!